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5 reasons why this is the best website ever... By Anna Huntly

December 23, 2015

By Anna Huntley

With (unwelcome) commentary by Jess Delby

 

 

 

 

1. It has all my It Girl news

I’m bored

What? How can you be bored already? I’ve only done ONE point on the list

Yeah, well it’s not a very exciting one. You need to grab people’s attention

Oh really? Like how?

Like ‘this website will fight gun crime’ or something

WHAT? Are you MAD? When would I be fighting GUN CRIME?

Anyway, what sort of news do you have?

What do you mean?

I mean, your first point is ‘It Girl news’

So?

So, go on then. What’s your ‘It Girl news’?

I…well, I can’t think of anything right now…

Bored

FINE! Fine, I’m sure I can think of some news

I’m waiting

I totally will

Sure

Any minute now

Got it

I know! My Labrador, Dog, ate a whole dictionary last weekend. The whole thing! He must have been working on it for a couple of hours while Dad and I were out at lunch

Dog ate a dictionary

Yes! I know!

That’s your It Girl news? That’s how you’re luring people in to your website? By telling them about your DOG eating a dictionary?

Yeah! Why?

Nothing. Let’s move on to point 2

 

 2.  It looks super pretty

Who did the design anyway?

Someone very clever and artistic

You should have asked that nerd Connor to do it. He does loads of illustration

Connor is not a nerd. He’s cool

You’re only saying that because he likes Iron Head and other Marvin comics

Iron MAN. Not Iron Head! And, for the last time, it’s MARVEL

Whatever, no one cares

MILLIONS OF PEOPLE CARE

Whoa, calm down loserface, keep your Ghostbusters pants on

How did you know I was wearing Ghostbusters pants?!

I saw them when you bent down to pick up your laptop. They’re kind of embarrassing if I’m honest

They’re my favourite pair

Let’s go to point 3. You’re weirding me out

 

3. It has exclusive content

HA!

What?

Nothing

WHAT?

Nothing! Well, it’s just, you know, that’s funny

Why is that funny?

What kind of exclusive content? Like your fascinating Dog-eating-a-dictionary updates?

No, this is different from news. I’ll be posting blogs on my thoughts and stuff

So…more lists like this boring one?

This isn’t boring! But, yes, lists like this one

Lucky us

You know, Jessica, sarcasm isn’t very attractive

Neither are Ghostbusters pants

 

4. You can read all about Katy Birchall and her writing

YAWN

Don’t be rude

Who is Katy Birchall?

Duh, you don’t know who she is?

No. Who is she?

I can’t believe you don’t know who she is! You are so uncultured

Well, who is she then?

Oh Jess, you simpleton. This has made me chuckle

You don’t know who she is, do you?

Of course I know who she is

PUT DOWN YOUR PHONE

What! What, I wasn’t going to do anything!

You were going to google her!

Look, just because you’re completely ignorant to these sort of things, doesn’t mean everyone else is

You don’t know who she is

Well, I will any minute now when you give me my phone back

You’re a moron

 

5. You can watch vlogs on books, cool products and stuff

Is this the last point on the list?

Yes, Jess, this is the last point on the list

Pretty boring one to end it on if you ask me

Yeah? And how would you have ended it?

I told you my gun crime suggestion. Something like that

I’m not fighting gun crime

Pretty lame It Girl if you ask me

IT GIRLS DO NOT FIGHT GUN CRIME

And that’s why lists like this are so boring

They wouldn’t be so boring if you didn’t keep scribbling all over them!

Hello, my bits are the only interesting parts

Fine. If this is so boring, what do you want to do then?

Hide your dad’s laptop and watch his head explode while he searches frantically for it?

That’s actually not a bad idea

I thought it was pretty good

It’s at moments like this that I’m proud to call you my best friend

I’ll hide the laptop, you get the popcorn. Ready to go?

Ready

Before we go, I actually think your website is actually OK

Really??

Yeah, it’s not bad

That means so much to me!

Calm down

Your praise means everything!

Shut up

You are a glorious person full of kindness and wisdom! Beautiful Jessica of joy and light!

I hate it when you do this

I am grateful I have been blessed with such a friend! Such a friend!

You’re so annoying

Jessica, my heart bleeds in thanks!

Stop it now

Go forth brave nation and worship Jessica Delby, an icon to us all! Your name will live on forever more!

I hate you

 

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